Are you currently single and searching for a life partner? I have been there before. However, I have been married for some time, so that I will share marriage advice. I have learned these lessons that I believe will benefit someone out there.
This post is the first in a series of marriage tips for singles. Please, check out the second article here.
Being single was a liberating experience for me at the time. My schedules were light, and I didn’t have to worry about caring for my partner or kids. Yet, I knew then that I didn’t feel complete. So that marriage was for me. Getting married and starting a loving family are my best decisions.
1. Marriage is essential
Getting married is a good thing. Marriage is an institution that God ordained. In addition, research shows that married couples live healthier lives and rebound quicker from illnesses than their unmarried counterparts (divorced, widowed, or never-married).
One of the reasons for this outcome is the lowering of stress hormone levels in married people. Married spouses also live longer and are wealthier.
However, that does not mean that all marriages are created equal or that marriage is everyone’s cup of tea. Nope.
Getting married is a good thing. For, marriage is an institution that God ordained. In addition, research shows that married couples live healthier lives and rebound quicker from illnesses than their unmarried counterparts. Share on XTherefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Bible, Genesis 2:24 (New King James Version)
2. Choose your life partner wisely
Your choice of a life partner is perhaps the most crucial decision you will ever make. So, choose with wisdom. If you are religious, you should also commit life-changing decisions to prayers.
The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.
Julia Child
3. Search widely for that special one
Stop being shy and naive. Don’t hide in your basement and expect your Prince Charming to fall from the blue sky into your waiting arms. Instead, expand your social circles to increase your chances of finding your sweetheart.
4. Stop chasing after the perfect spouse
Don’t waste eternity searching for the ideal partner. The perfect human specimen has not yet been created! Remember that time waits for no one, so stop procrastinating and deciding whether marriage is for you.
But, after finding the “special one”, getting to know each other before posing the “big question” is advisable.
A 2015 paper in the journal Economic Inquiry found a strong link between a more extended period of courtship with a higher probability of a happy marriage and lower divorce rates.
5. Have the right mindset
Come into marriage expecting it to last for a long time. Desist the mindset that you will bail out as soon as your marriage doesn’t work out the way you envisaged.
Marriage conflicts occur, and you must learn coping skills to navigate them without resorting to domestic violence.
6. Respect your instincts
Listen more to your instincts, especially during courtship. Pay heed to the feedback you receive from your hunches and the opinions of trusted others.
Besides, beware of the Hawthorne effect. This observer bias is the tendency of people to behave more pleasingly when they know they are under observation. So, remain true to yourself, and don’t be a fake!
7. Don’t expect to change your spouse
You can change your spouse no more than forcing the proverbial horse to drink water. So, if you observe qualities in your boyfriend or girlfriend that you cannot bear, don’t expect a magical change after you tie the knot. The only person you can hope ever to change is you!
Prioritising your self-growth and development is the most important thing you can do in marriage.
8. Differentiate love from lust
Apply wisdom to discern love from lust during courtship. Love, not passion, sustains marriages over the long run.
Therefore, it is unsurprising that the highest divorce rates occur within the first two years after the wedding. This period coincides with when the initial infatuation fades away, and the reality of married life sets in.
Marriage is a fairly long travelled route. But, as in the rudderless pre-GPS era, most of its rough terrains and blind spots are only discernable after embarking on the journey. So, better be prepared for the ride! David Onu Share on XMarriage is a fairly long travelled route. But, as in the rudderless pre-GPS era, most of its rough terrains and blind spots are only discernable after embarking on the journey. So, better be prepared for the ride!
David Onu
9. Marriage is garbage-in-garbage-out
Marriage, like wealth, brings out the best or worst in each of us. You cannot give what you do not have. So don’t demand love, but be willing to give love. Don’t expect your partner to make you happy; instead, bring happiness to the table.
The garbage in, garbage out principle applies very much to marriage. If you take the best version of yourself into your wedding, it can be blissful and long-lasting. Otherwise, bad habits will sabotage your marriage.
10. Happy marriages take hard work
Happy marriages are not “lucky” but the result of the intentional efforts of two dedicated partners. However, remember that it usually takes two souls to sustain or wreck a marriage.
Marriages may be made in heaven, but they must be nurtured on earth.
Anon.
To recap
Now, you have the marriage tips I would gladly accept when I was single. It includes some of the benefits of getting married and choosing your partner. Successful marriages take dedication and hard work.
I hope you find these tips helpful if you are single and searching for your life partner.
Which of these bits of advice resonates with you the most?
I would love to hear your thoughts.
Please comment below, or let’s continue the discussion on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or Linkedin.
Thanks for your time.
ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL PIECE. I WOULD LIKE TO ADD 2 POINTS THAT HAS REALLY HELPED ME THROUGH MY JOURNEY:
lOVE YOURSELF, THAT WAY YOU ARE NOT LOOKING FOR LOVE IN YOUR SPOUSE BUT RATHER YOU ARE WILLING TO GIVE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE THAT COMES FROM WITHIN WHEN YOU LOVE YOURSELF.
BE A HAPPY PERSON. FIND YOUR HAPPINESS WITHIN YOURSELF. MARRIAGE WILL NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY. THERE ARE A LOT OF MARRIED PEOPLE WHO ARE VERY UNHAPPY. MARRIAGE IS A LIFETIME OF SERVING YOUR SPOUSE. IF YOU ARE NOT A HAPPY PERSON, IT WILL BE A STRUGGLE TO LOVE AND SERVE SOMEONE ELSE.
Thanks so much, Tola, for your wise contributions to this topic.
Self-love and self-care are essential in marriage, as in life.
Also, you’re on point about the folly of expecting one’s marriage or spouse to be the primary source of happiness.
I observed in a previous blog that “marriage is garbage in and garbage out”, meaning that you have to cultivate the very emotion you expect to get out of your marriage.