Breakdown of marriage: Uncovering the “Big Four” Root Causes

Marriage is a beautiful bond between two individuals who pledge to love and support each other for eternity. However, even the most vital unions can experience conflicts and require constant work to remain healthy and thriving. Unfortunately, the breakdown of marriage is not uncommon, and it can devastate both partners and their loved ones. In this post, we’ll delve into the “Big Four” root causes of marital breakdown. We’d explore how seeking help from a relationship coach can help strengthen the bond between partners. Let’s get started!

The ‘big four’ root causes of marriage breakdown

The “big four” are why many couples seek relationship coaching. They can be complex, but understanding them can be crucial in preventing them from wrecking your relationship.

• Money
• Religion
• Child-rearing practices
• Feeling lonely

Money matters: The silent killer of marriage

Money is one of the most common issues that couples face. Financial matters can be a source of stress and conflict in a marriage. Disagreements over budgeting, saving and spending can lead to resentment, anger, and frustration. That can ultimately contribute to a breakdown in the relationship. However, seeking help from a relationship coach or financial adviser can help couples navigate money issues. You will learn to communicate and compromise effectively regarding your finances.

Tips for resolving financial conflicts in marriage

• Both of you should seek the help of a financial planner or accountant who will consider your situation. 

• Decide early in the marriage whether you do budgeting or not, and stick with the plans together.

• Decide whether you will operate a joint bank account to pay your bills. If both partners work, they can each make a periodic financial contribution.  

• Seek financial freedom by educating yourself on personal finance. Read books, articles, and blogs about personal finance, and consider taking a course or working with a financial advisor.

• Scot Pape recommends weekly date nights with your partner to discuss money matters.

Religion: When faith tears couples apart

Religious differences are another significant issue that can lead to a breakdown in marriage. Disagreements over religious affiliations and morality can cause conflicts and misunderstandings between partners. That can ultimately lead to feelings of alienation and disconnection in the relationship. However, seeking help from a relationship coach or religious leader can help couples develop a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other’s beliefs and learn to work together to find common ground.

Tips for resolving the challenges of religion in marriage

• Start with respect and understanding: it’s essential to respect each other’s religious beliefs and try to understand where each person is coming from.

• Communication is vital: talk openly and honestly about your beliefs and values, and try to find common ground where possible.

• Compromise: find ways to compromise on religious differences and find solutions that work for both partners. Create a plan for handling religious differences, and make sure you agree on the approach.

• Seek support: consider seeking guidance from a religious leader or a relationship coach who can offer objective advice and help navigate these sensitive issues.

Child-rearing practices: The parenting trap

Raising children is challenging especially for new parents. Many couples approach child rearing with different styles. Unfortunately, differences in parenting styles can lead to disagreements and conflicts between spouses. A lack of consistency in parenting causes confusion and stress for children. However, seeking help from a relationship coach can help parents learn to communicate effectively and find common ground when it comes to raising their children.

Tips for resolving the challenges of different child-rearing practices

• Communicate with your partner: Have an open and honest discussion about your parenting styles and goals. Listen to each other’s concerns and try to find common ground.

• Seek outside help: Consider working with a family therapist or counsellor who can help you navigate your differences and develop a plan for co-parenting.

• Develop a parenting plan: Create a written plan that outlines each partner’s responsibilities and expectations for raising your children. A plan can help provide consistency and structure in your parenting.

• Compromise: Be willing to compromise and find ways to blend your parenting styles. Finding a balance that works for both partners and your children is essential. Even if you disagree with your partner’s parenting style, respecting their opinions and decisions is critical.

Breakdown of marriage from feeling alone: The isolation trap.

Feeling disconnected from a partner can be incredibly isolating, even if both partners are physically together. A lack of communication, intimacy or shared activities and interests can lead to unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Spouses that drift apart from each other may end up in divorce. However, seeking help from a relationship coach can help partners learn to communicate effectively and find new ways to reconnect and strengthen their bond.

Tips for resolving the challenges of loneliness in marriage

• Communicate with your partner: If you’re feeling disconnected or alone in your marriage, the first step is communicating your feelings. Share with them what’s bothering you and why you think the way you do.

• Schedule quality time together: Make time for activities you and your partner can do together. That could be watching a movie, walking, or cooking dinner. Scheduling regular quality time can help you feel more connected and strengthen your bond.

• Try something new: Experiment with new activities that you both enjoy. Doing that can help you find common ground and spark new interests you can share.

• Seek professional help: Consider seeking a relationship coach or therapist to help you work through your issues and develop strategies to improve your communication and strengthen your bond.

How to identify when your marriage is on the verge of a breakdown

Recognizing the warning signs of a potential deterioration in your relationship is essential.

Here are some indicators that your union may be on the verge of a breakdown:

1. Lack of communication or frequent arguments
2. Loss of intimacy or physical connection
3. Avoiding spending time together or doing things you used to enjoy as a couple
4. Feeling emotionally disconnected or unsupported by your partner
5. Engaging in activities or behaviours harmful to the marriage, such as infidelity or substance abuse.

Suppose you notice any of these warning signs. In that case, it’s crucial to address them before they cause your relationship to break down.

How to prevent a breakdown of marriage

Prevention is always better than cure, and this is especially true when it comes to marriages. Here are some things you can do to prevent a breakdown in your relationship:

1. Communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings, concerns, and needs.
2. Make time for each other and prioritize your relationship.
3. Seek professional help, such as relationship coaching or counselling, when you encounter difficulties.
4. Practice empathy and try to understand your partner’s perspective.
5. Respect and appreciate each other, and focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.

By taking these steps, you can build a strong foundation for your marriage and prevent issues from escalating to a point where they cause a breakdown.

Conclusion

The “Big Four” root causes of marriage breakdown include money, religion, child-rearing practices, and feelings of isolation. They are common issues that many couples face. However, it is important to remember that these issues are not insurmountable, and that there are ways to prevent them from causing irreparable damage to your relationship.

By communicating openly and honestly, prioritizing your relationship, seeking professional help when needed, practicing empathy, and showing appreciation for your partner, you can build a strong and lasting marriage.

With the right mindset and approach, you can prevent a breakdown of your marriage and enjoy a fulfilling and satisfying life with your partner.

Are you facing any of the “Big fours” in your marriage?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

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